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If you’re in a relationship, you’ve probably wondered how to be better in bed.

You’ve also probably asked yourself, “Do guys like it when you initiate?”

Or wondered how to be more active in bed as a woman.


But here’s the thing:

Men are tricky.

They don’t always communicate as well as we’d like them to.

So instead of trying to figure it out on our own, sometimes we just need to hear it directly from men.

So I posed the question to men, “Guys, what’s the biggest mistakes women make during sex?”

The answers were pretty real (and somewhat funny).

As it turns out, there are some pretty specific mistakes we make in the bedroom.

So let’s get started.

1 | Bouncing Too High During Cowgirl

“Don’t get me wrong, I love to know that you’re enjoying it so much that you get really into it. But, there’s nothing more painful than having you slam down on me after I’ve slipped out. It feels like my dick is about to break. It’s really hard to come back from that.” – Anthony, 34

Beware of bouncing too high up and having him slip out.

This can cause you to slam down on his erection (which is still pointed upright but not at the right angle to go back inside).

 When that happens, it can be extremely painful for him. Many men describe it as feeling like you’re going to break their you-know-what.

So just make sure you take it slowly and actually insert him back in before bouncing again. 

2 | Being Too Quiet 

“There is nothing more uncomfortable than having sex and the only noise I hear is the sound of the bed. One time, I was hooking up with this girl who was so quiet that I just faked an orgasm so it could be over. I couldn’t even tell if she liked it or not. It was so awkward.” – James, 29

If you’re not encouraging him through moans, it’s easy for him to think, “Is she even enjoying this? Is she wanting it to be over with?”

If you’re having fun, then make a little noise to encourage him!

3 | Making Him do all the Work

“This makes sex feel very one-sided and it gets very boring, very fast. I was in a long-term relationship for two years where I did everything. It definitely took a toll on our relationship. I want to feel like you want it enough that you’re willing to put some effort in. The confidence to take initiative is so sexy.” – Private

According to psychology professor Les Parrott, this is without a doubt the MOST common sex mistake women make.

This type of passive demeanor usually goes hand-in-hand with feeling like sex is taboo or being insecure.

 Part of stroking a man’s ego means making him feel desired.

If a man has to do all the work, then he starts feeling like you’re just not that into him.

4 | Being Insecure About The Way You Look

“I really don’t care about your cellulite, stretch marks, or extra body fat. I’m in front of you with a hard-on, so you should know that I’m attracted to you. During sex, all I can think about is how good you look, not whether or not you carry extra weight on your thighs.” – Aiden, 33

Of all the factors that affect how sexually satisfied we are – one of the most important is our confidence.

The heat of the moment is not the time to worry about your cellulite.

Having sex is about sharing a special moment between you and your partner.

Your cellulite is the least of his concerns. Know what you bring to the table.

Don’t try to keep your clothes on.

Don’t hide your body — he loves it. He thinks your sexy. 

Sex just isn’t the same without sensual skin-on-skin contact. Get rid of the t-shirt or bra and get into the moment.

Don’t turn the lights off.

Women who are insecure about their bodies are often afraid of getting naked with the lights on.

Don’t be. Half of the stuff you worry about your body are things he doesn’t even notice.

5 | Giving Harsh Handjobs and Blowjobs

How to be better in bed for guys

“It hurts like hell when it’s not wet enough and you’re trying to jerk me or suck me off. The wetter, the better.” – Private

another man said,

“I have no idea why some women think we want our junk pulled off during a handjob. There’s got to be a rhythm to it. Also, please don’t be afraid to spit into your hand occasionally while you’re doing it.” –Dwayne, 27

Put a little pressure on him with your hands and make sure it’s really wet.

If you have to use a flavored lube, go for it.

The same goes for blowjobs – if you can get them really wet and have a nice rhythm – he’ll finish quicker.

6 | Not Wanting to Give/Receive Oral Sex

“Oral sex is one of my favorite parts of sex. After a long day, sometimes it’s nice to relax and just get a good blowjob. If she’s not interested in giving or receiving it, things can get pretty dull.” -Dylan, 29

There are a variety of reasons people put off oral sex (taste or smell, usually) but do what you can to solve those issues.

For example, shower together before sex if you’re concerned about his smell.

7 | Only Doing the Missionary Position

“It’s already difficult enough to keep the passion and spark alive when you’re with someone the rest of your life, but it’s basically impossible when I’m bored out of my mind because it’s the same position every time. I love seeing my girlfriend in different positions and at different angles.” – Adam, 27

Women like missionary positions for a lot of reasons – some good (good eye contact, feels good), some not so good (it’s the position that hides our body and lets us just lie there while he does it all).

Switch it up sometimes!

8 | Getting Upset When He Suggests Something New

How to be better in bed for guys

“Just because I want to try something different, doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with you or the sex. It’s really frustrating when we suggest something new and you get offended. Sometimes it’s just fun to switch it up.”  Private

After two people have been together for a long time, it’s totally normal to want to spice up the relationship.

Don’t take it personally.

You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, but make sure to keep an open mind when it comes to spicing it up.

It doesn’t hurt to try it.

If you don’t like it, then you don’t have to do it again.

Of course, if you really don’t want to do something, explain it to your partner in a loving and compassionate way.

If he requests something that surprises you – try not to overact.

Let him know you’re initially uncomfortable with it and that you’ll need some time to think it over.

9 | Not Initiating

How to be better in bed for guys

“It’s really sexy to know that she wants it so much that she grabs me and goes for it. If I have to initiate it all the time, I start feeling like she doesn’t really enjoy it. And then when I bring it to her attention and she tells me, ‘But I do enjoy it, it’s just initiating is not my thing.’ I just don’t understand it.” –Logan, 30

A healthy relationship means both people should feel wanted and desired.

Failing to initiate is a huge mistake women make when it comes to sex.

If one person always feels like they’re the initiator, it sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship.

Not good.

People who have amazing sex lives know that while saying yes is great- wanting their partner so much that they ask for it – is even better.

10 | Losing Your Sexy

“We notice when you’re always in sweatpants, granny panties, and a messy bun. We don’t expect you to dress up like you’re going out every day, but we like to see that you’ve put in a little effort.” –Darrell, 28

Once you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s easy to not make your sex life a priority.

You’re tired, you don’t feel good and you’d just rather wait for another night – I get it.

But sometimes we start neglecting his needs. And not carving out time for sex is definitely a form of neglect.

Pay attention to yourself and your partner.

Make time to dress up, wear lingerie, and allow yourself to feel sexy.

11 | Not Paying Attention Your Personal Hygiene

“My ex-girlfriend and I went to dinner one night and as soon as we came home, things started getting hot. When I pulled off her underwear though, I could immediately smell something foul. She didn’t smell like that all the time, but there were definitely times when she neglected her hygiene. We didn’t last very long.” – Private

and another,

“I briefly dated a woman who had issues with cleaning her butt. I tried to go down on her but the smell of sh-t was so strong that I almost threw up. Never again.” – Michael, 32

and finally,

“I got in the bed with one girl and I could smell her feet. We ended up just cuddling until I came up with an excuse to leave.” -Private

So many men had this complaint.

Just make sure you’re aware of your health and hygiene.